Wedding Wednesday: What Marriage REALLY Is…

The other day marked our two year anniversary. (I would have posted this on the day, we didn’t have wifi in Belize) Sitting and reflection on our marriage I’m so proud of where we have come in the past two years with our marriage. Marriage is work and couples married or not all hide behind social media. I’m here to tell y’all Colin and I are very real with our relationships and are open to sharing our story… 

What we’ve learned about being married for two years could go on for days. On the blog, I’m touching on different aspects regarding marriage and relationships. Plus, how it has shaped us. Looking back on these two years, Colin and I have been through a lot. Probably more than the average married couple. So stay with me, I promise with each story there’s something to be learned. (so the teacher in me) I hope these lessons or our experiences help y’all or inspire y’all in some way.

             Communication                    

To start off, communication is one of the hardest, but most important aspect for any relationship. Without communication, your relationship is hopeless (sorry to be blunt, but it’s true) Communication can comes easy to some and hard for others. The dynamics in our relationship is I’m the stronger communicator and Colin is the listener. This mix has been a working aspect in our relationship, just like anything else. The big question is, how do we make communication work?

I’ll start off and say that with every lesson there’s a struggle … so here’s how our story went.. It all started 6 months after we got married. Colin opened up to me and address something that was very difficult. He said he wanted to join the Navy and be a Navy pilot. I was shocked, stunned, confused, lost, lonely and in complete dismay. To be honest, I was scared for where our life would go. I thought we had planned our life together? How could I move around every so many years? I can’t live like this? All these horrible questions popped up in my head. If you know me, I’m the biggest planner and hate change, so that lifestyle totally causes me anxiety. I know myself pretty well and I know I couldn’t live the “military wife” life. For those who do, I give y’all major props. Long story short, this talk didn’t go so well. There were tears, yelling, fear and just about every emotion possible on both sides. That day Colin opened up and communicated really did take me by surprise. Looking back, I’m glad he did because it opened a door. The door of communication opened and took our marriage in a “good” whirl wind. We had to take this conversation to a counselor and to both of our families because it was that difficult. After discussing with our families, they too were not on board with Colin going into the Navy as a pilot. With any disagreement comes sacrifice and compromise. As a whole family, we came down to a happy medium, which was to have Colin still have the opportunity to live his dreams as a pilot, but a private pilot- which he now has his license! (how cool is that!! It’s become a together thing) This was just one many of the times where communication has to be the number one focus as a married couple.

Why is communication so important? Communication is the rock to marriage because it allows you to understand each other, meet one another’s love needs, gives you opportunities to discuss emotionally difficult things, allows you to respect each other, opens the doors to a healthy trusting relationship. Without communication, your marriage would be a nightmare. Colin and I have worked really hard on this whole communication thing. Like I said earlier, I’m the talker in the relationship, so I’ve had to learn to listen more. On the flip side, Colin has had to work on the talking part because he’s the listener. It’s interesting how opposite personalities attract and just work! That’s why we are TEAM HODGES!! I’m so happy to look back and see how far we both have come on this. It excited me to see where 47 years of marriage will take us!!

Trust

Wow this is a hard concept, but important thing one have in a relationship or marriage– trust! This one is a hard one for me, but I have worked really hard on it. Even as a married lady, trust was not something that came easy to me. It’s horrible to say that as a married woman, but it’s true.

We all come with our baggage and things we struggle with, both good and bad. Trust is something that is earned in my eyes. In life there will be times where you might question trust. My biggest suggestion to this is to put that “evil” thought away because that’s the enemy doing that. God wants you to trust your loved one and trust the love you have for each other. Some situations might allow you not to trust, but you must work on it. God put your spouse in your life for a reason and that reason alone is his plan. It’s important for each one to be trust worthy and give each other what they need- no matter if you think they need it or not. That is called grace. When grace is given then trust comes naturally.

Trust takes time at times that might come with asking for forgiveness too. In our marriage, we learned that when you give each other unconditional love, be trustworthy, show compassion, be patience, give security, etc., then you’re on the Godly path for a Godly marriage. I believe it’s because we have grown in our faith together and learned to trust each other no matter what. We have overcome a struggle that would break many couples. We both are too strong from something so silly to break us! It’s all because of our truth, love and the faith in God that keeps us together. 

 Patience

Patience is hard, like trust and communications this can either be a strength or weakness for some. Colin is a rock star at being patient with me, not so much. I’m working on the whole patience thing and it takes time. Colin is a great role model for me when it comes to having patience. I have patience for children, but that’s about it. Crazy how that’s flipped? Couples need to have patience because with patience comes forgiveness and grace. All these things are interconnected. If patience is hard for you, I suggest you pray about it. There’s a strong power of prayer. With prayer, it can change your life. I’m a strong believer in the power of prayer and I know it has transformed me. Looking back when we first got married, I was so NOT patient. Sitting here now, I can say I’m not perfect at it, but it’s getting better. Even Colin said so too!!

Unconditional Love

I saved the best for last. Together as Team Hodges, unconditional love is our jam. We love each other no matter what- good, bad, pretty and the ugly. Having unconditional love for your spouse means you give your spouse love regardless if you feel they need or deserve it. You are wife and husband!! In the vows you gave, you said something on the lines that you’ll love each other in sickness and in health and for rich or for poor, FOREVER!! When you love each other it’s easy to love unconditionally. Colin and I both love unconditionally and it feels so good. This comes easy to us and I’m sure damn proud of that.

I’m so happy to be married to a loving husband who loves me no matter what and forgives me for my wrong doing. I do the same right back to him!! That’s why we call ourselves Team Hodges!! Marriage is a TEAM.

Thanks y’all for staying with me. I just want to be transparent and share the real stuff! I hope our marriage story helps someone else out there. If you are struggling seek counseling and find that relationship with God.

Happy two-year anniversary to us!!

Love from Texas,

Kirstin